Bad Boy

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In all fairness, I must clarify one point in this intro; the character in this poem had a useless father. That was never the case with my own dad. He was always there and tried his best, but when a boy really wants to be the bad guy, only time and pain can knock that senselessness out of his mind....

 

Bad Boy 

 Sometimes

 I’ll sit on the beach and wonder “why”

 Why do I destroy every good thing In my life?

 Why did I find the perfect woman

 And hurt her so badly ‘til she’d never be my wife?

 I’m a bad boy, I guess,

 that’s what it is

 Still trying to run away

 From the crooked things I did

 

Nowadays, I wear a few tattoos

 One of ‘em tells the world that I was born to lose

 I want to

 “eat like a horse,

 Fight like a demon,

 Drink like a fish,

 And die like a hero”

 But then, I’m reminded

 Of something I should have known…

 Angels fight harder than demons, you see

 So that means that a loser is what I’ll always be.

 Anybody could see the state of my destiny —

 I won’t be dyin’ like no hero

 truth is,

 I’ll be goin’ out something less than zero.

 

I’m just a bad boy, I guess that’s what it is

 Used to break momma’s vases

 And soil her floor

 Would run outside

 Not ever bothering to even close the door

 But that kind of thing just isn’t cute anymore

 Daddy always said that I’d turn out bad

 Guess it was a lot of truth in the words of that old man

 Why, Poppa continuously was telling Momma

 “you’ll be appalled at they way that boy’s gonna fall

 It’ll hafta be horrific, that kid’s eventual end,

Since you just refuse

When it gets down to giving him discipline!"

 and then

 HE was gone, off to see life with yet another new girlfriend

 See ya later daddy - o, and thanks for the discipline

 

Funny thing is,

 Just when I think

 That there’s no compassion left in me

 I’ll go and do something That’s really a good thing.

 Is that confusing for you?

 Well, by god, it’s confusing for me, too.

 Cause I’m a bad boy, you see, and

Guys like me just don’t do good things.

 

There’s some women, when they see me, they just git turned on

 Cause they just love the way that I’m always doin’ wrong

 Maybe, baby, they seem to think

 That they’d become a light in my life and save me from me.

 Or that the touch of their love would make me wanna change

 but I still kiss the girls and make them cry, then

 Turn my back and walk away, without batting one eye

 

Cause, for me, everything just remains the same

 it won’t ever go any other way, though,

 It’s that One truth they never seem to want to know —

 how I’ll tell ‘em I love em,

 then leave them behind While they sleep.

 But they just ought to understand

 Since the way of the roll of that wheel of my life

 means I’ll always say goodbye.

 I’ll never have and love a wife

 Cause I’m a bad boy, you see.

 And that’s the only thing I’ll ever know how to be.

 

But enough of yesterday

 Let’s let it go for awhile

 Look at what’s happenin’ today!

 I ride, runnin' on, on my speeding motorcycle

 And hope the cops don’t catch me when I run

 Cause they just wouldn’t understand

 why I gotta carry a gun…

 

Uh oh, they got me hemmed in now!

 They say give it up — but not me, no way, no how!

 I’m just not goin back.

 I’ll jump off my bike and fight Right here,

 And so, Like a bloody knife, matte black.

 I send lead at them, maybe even hit a few

 But I’m undisciplined, while they know just what to do

 That’s why their bullets keep rippin through me

 ‘cuz I just jumped in way outta my league

 

Oh boy, guess I’ll just lay it down here on the street

 Cause I’m just flat tired of this losin’ scene.

 I'm tastin blood and leakin life

 Worn out inside from playin it tight

 It’s Goodbye to the woman I’d wished was my wife

 Cause, now it’s time for me to just go on to sleep

 knowin this was continuously my destiny

 Since I’ve always been a bad boy, you see…

​

Stephen W. Winslow